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Literature by erinyx


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February 19, 2010
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CARE – Choice.Ask.Recommend.Encourage.

But be fair.  You'll wake up one day seeing that you are aging and you didn't do anything for your life throughout your existence.
Today, I'm not going to have an argue with you on how much things do we do wrong during a lifetime, I just need your attention, a little bit of imagination and your hearts open.
Think about this: you are a gardener. Now close your eyes and imagine a garden full of roses, yellow roses, red ones, purple, even blue and green. Think that the garden is your life, your soul and you are the one who has to take care of it.

Choice. Think about the choices we do in our lives. Think that you must harvest today a wonderful bouquet. You walk through your garden and pick the most beautiful flowers you find. Tomorrow you'll do the same. And the day after tomorrow, and so on...But there comes a time when weather, wind, ground, fertilizer aren't your friends anymore. Though, you still need to make a bouquet. So you manage to make one, in the end, even if it's not the prettiest ever. Got my point? In our lives we got to do choices, whether they are good or not, in our advantage or disadvantage. We just have to choose. That's life; a road full of choices, and we don't have to be afraid of the consequences, it's our responsibility.

Ask. Wandering through your garden you'll see that some flowers grow very quickly, some not. Some crops are withering. Some look like they have already been fertilized, before doing it yourself. And then, you start to ask yourself some questions. Why did that rose over there grew up so quickly? And why that flower, which kept growing and growing, withered in only one night? And then you ask other gardeners. That's life, my friends. A box full of questions. We ask why we had to go through something, for example why did you have to fail that exam, or how on Earth were you so lucky that you win the lottery.

Recommend. Now think that I and the rest of the people are gardeners as well. Think that I am coming to ask you about your flowers, and your beautiful garden. How did you managed to keep it so clean and with so many flowers? Others may come too. But don't be selfish; recommend. Think that tomorrow, the person standing next to you right now is coming to ask you what seeds do you use. Don't turn him down; tell him where did you bought them... That's life, my friends. We have to help each others, even if most people are selfish, egocentric and greedy. One day you'll need their help too. So think about that.

Encourage. Ooooh, but you just saw a beautiful bush that is about to fully grow up. You are stunned, amazed, do you feel the excitement in your soul. Just walk over there and touch the roses, don't you love that smell?
Talk to that flower, even if it may sound crazy. Tell her she's the most beautiful flower you have ever seen, and you'll see what happens. Now think that, correlated to real life, that flower may be your little brother or sister, or just a ordinary human being you'll come across when you'll leave this room. And you look into his sad eyes, you hear his sigh, and you must ask yourself then 'what should I do?' Take his hand and tell him he's the most wonderful person you've ever met. And remember, a smile a day keeps the sadness away.

Now open your eyes. Don't say anything. Just... when I'll finish speaking, try to understand what I wanted to say. You must do some choices, you must ask some questions, recommend something to someone, encourage someone, and all these things mean to CARE. But be fair, my friends don't cheat for your own interest or just to harm someone.  Either you're happy or sad, hurt or with healed wounds, optimistic or pessimistic, just close your eyes and say: "I care, I will care, but I also must be fair"

Thank you.
I would have submitted it elsewhere, but i didn;t know where, so hope it fits here.

Told you I have something in mind, and I took a break from learning for the exam, to correct this. My teachers said that this is really good, both as a speech and a psychological exercice. :D and i liked it in the beginning, because I didn't have to write shits taken from the books, Internet or other resources, but from my mind and soul, andI love imaginating..and making other ones imagine things too.

Now, I'm just dissapointed that that contest has been cancelled tue to the lack of competitors. Maybe next year.

But the good news is that in the other one I took the Ist prize, which I didn't expect to.

:iconcommentplz::iconreadplz:

Constructive criticism, comments and opinions are always welcomed. :)
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:iconsmokestories:
Critique by SmokeStories Feb 20, 2010, 9:36:31 AM
Scrierea debordeaza de vitalitate si originalitate. La inceput, am crezut ca este doar o pseudo-filosofie plictisitoare. Insa ai reusit sa aduci o dinamica ce capteaza atentia cititorului. Analogiile si metaforele pe care le'ai facut sunt atat de plauzibile si deloc fortate. Imi place cum ai structurat textul, este usor de citit si, inca o data, foarte diferit de ce am citit de obicei.
Pot spune ca este un favorit personal, pentru ca ai reusit sa'ti expui viziunea asupra vietii fara sa devii usor patetica sau sa'ti exprimi vreo disperare. Optimism este cuvantul potrivit pentru aceasta scriere. Optimism si open-minded.
=Darksolitude from #AngstyWriters
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconinstinctivenature:
Critique by InstinctiveNature Feb 24, 2010, 1:35:43 PM
Lets start off by saying this made a very interesting read compared to the usual works that I go through in :iconxpose-it: and I liked the change :)

With that said let us work our way through this piece.
First off very interesting an original idea done here and does make a good read for anyone who bothers to sit down and read it.
The context you put into each sub choice is well chosen and fits well, but I feel a lack of descriptive text and also some sloppy grammar let this down a bit.

The first line is a good example.
I feel you are trying not to bog down the work with too much description, but the whole sub context of your work relies on this been red to someone else who has there eyes closed and as such it NEEDS to be descriptive for it to work.
After all why add Now close your eyes... this is meant to be red to someone.

Changing simple words like:
seeing that you are ageing and you didn't do anything for your life
to something like:
realising that you are ageing and you haven't done anything with your life...

There are silly spelling mistakes here and there and if you changed a few words around you'll hit a much higher note with this.
Apart from that the piece is good and you convey well what you are trying to portray here :)

There are a few little extra areas I could highlight, but I prefer for you to reread this piece and find them yourself, I can only show you a different point of view to this piece and little pointers after all :)

Also considering your Romanian this is understandable with the tiny spelling mistakes. Nothing against your person but learning another language does take time and as my girl friend says "when you speak Romanian as well as I speak English then you can moan"... so I know both sides as she is Romanian :)

I might get my gf to write you this out in Romanian so can have 2 sides :D

This Critique was under taken from :iconxpose-it:
I hope this Critique is fair in your eyes and I have written this as honestly as I possibly can.
If there is anything you want to discuss then feel free to contract myself :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconniennaswift:
NiennaSwift Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2010  Professional Writer
:iconlive-love-write: CRITIQUE

Very thought-provoking and to the point, it definitely reads like a motivational piece more than a flat-out philosophical lecture.

"You'll wake up one day seeing that you are aging and you didn't do anything for your life throughout your existence." That's one of my biggest personal fears.

You are very to-the-point which makes your thoughts and concepts easy to follow.

In the "choice" paragraph the third to last needs to be re-worded. "We have to make choices" and "to our advantage".

In the "ask" paragraph you need to change grew to grow in the rose sentence.

It definitely makes you think....
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:iconnessie-x:
nessie-x Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2010
thank you a lot:D
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:iconsolarune:
Solarune Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2010   Writer
I like this, it's nice and hopeful and gets the message across. :) The metaphor really intrigued me.
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:iconnessie-x:
nessie-x Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2010
thanks :D
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:iconsolarune:
Solarune Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2010   Writer
you're welcome :)
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:iconchemicalwedding:
ChemicalWedding Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The English needs a bit of tweaking still but otherwise not bad ^_^
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:iconnessie-x:
nessie-x Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2010
thanx:D
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:icondontyoufakeitbitch:
DontYouFakeItBitch Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2010   Writer
it's a little wordy...
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:iconnessie-x:
nessie-x Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2010
like?
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:icondontyoufakeitbitch:
DontYouFakeItBitch Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2010   Writer
it's just a little wordy.
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